We all felt great when Julia Roberts went back to the swanky dress shop where the snobby assistants bullied her, taking her revenge by rubbing their noses in her spending power. But, wouldn’t everyone have felt even better if she instead spent her money on hiring The Hulk and letting him SMASH up the shop?
Gone with the Wind (1939)
What do you mean you don’t give a damn? The Hulk certainly does, and he damn well would have done something about it too – sweeping Scarlett O’Hara off her feet, putting out the fire in Atlanta, singlehandedly winning the civil war and picking up another 10 damn Oscars.
50 Shades of Grey (2015)
50 Shades of Grey? Why not 50 Shades Of Green? The year’s most controversial hit certainly got audiences a little steamy, but they would have melted when they saw the hot love shared between a timid lady journalist and The Hulk. Now that’s a /real/ man.
Muppets Most Wanted (2014)
Kermit always said it isn’t easy being green, and framed for a crime he didn’t commit it’s harder than ever. But, had he had a twelve-foot, muscle-bound (similarly hued) buddy who likes knocking down walls as his cellmate, his stay in the Siberian gulag would have been a hell of a lot shorter...
Field of Dreams (1989)
When Kevin Costner heard voices from his cornfield whispering ‘if you build it, he will come’, he had no idea they were talking about ghostly baseball players from the 1910s. But, had they brought the Hulk with them it would have made for the most interesting - and destructive - game of baseball ever! They probably would run out of balls quickly though...
Avatar had the spectacle, it had the drama and the romance - between two giant blue creatures. But everyone likes a good love triangle, and the sight of Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) duking it out with The Hulk in the hope of winning the heart of Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) would have taken the whole film to the next level.
Problem: US citizens trapped in Iran in the midst of a revolution, unable to leave the country, or even the Canadian ambassador’s house. Now, they could be rescued by an ambitious - and slightly bonkers – plan that has something to do with a fake film crew, or the Hulk could just go in and SMASH some stuff. America: 1. Iran: 0.
Zero Dark Thirty (2012)
Years of work - and two hours of movie - are put into finding Osama Bin Laden, and when the Navy SEALS are finally sent in they almost blow it by crashing their helicopter! Sure, they could have dropped a bomb instead, but dropping a Hulk would have ensured not only victory but box office gold!
Sneaking around in people’s dreams is a strange vocation, and not without its dangers. Case in point, when a train suddenly turns up in the middle of the street, which would not have been an issue if only Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) and friends had thought to bring The Hulk along. Making him fall over to snap him out of it might have been a mission though...
Step Up (2006)
Sure, a film about a young misfit (Channing Tatum) finally finding his place in the world and expressing himself through dance is fun. However, a not-so-young twelve-foot tall misfit with rage issues and expressing himself through dance screams out Best. Movie. Ever.
Green Street (2005)
Because where else would a Hulk reside? He would also be rather handy to have around when those pesky football hooligans get up to no good, as well ‘ard as they think they are, they might sing another tune when flicked halfway across London by a single Hulk finger. Puny humans...
Black Swan (2010)
The harder ballerina Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) works the less tenuous her grip on reality becomes, and she’s so hung up on being both the white and black swan. But what about the green swan? Who wouldn’t like to see The Hulk dancing on the tips of his toes in a tutu? NO ONE.
Horrible Bosses (2011)
Nick (Jason Bateman), Dale (Charlie Day) and Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) all have valid reasons to hate their bosses, and they go to great lengths to get out from under their thumbs. But if only one of them had been exposed to dangerous levels of gamma rays and had a propensity for turning into a GIANT RAGING MONSTER it would have made things much easier.
One Direction: This Is Us 3-D (2013)
The mega-selling phenomenon that is 1D did a good job of lighting up cinema screens in their first cinematic venture, and they excited girls the world over. But maybe more dads would have been willing to sit through it if they had added a big green superhero as one of their backing dancers/bouncers...
Fight Club (1999)
The first rule is SMASH.
The second rule is SMASH.
The third rule is SMASH.
Monsters University (2013)
Lethal Weapon (1987)
Old school Sergeant Murtaugh (Danny Glover) moaned when he got partnered up with wildcard Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson), but at least they both fitted in the car. Really, The Hulk is way more of a lethal weapon than a million Mel Gibsons, and he wouldn’t quit until every last bad guy was SMASHED into oblivion.
Casino Royale (2006)
The name’s Hulk. The, Hulk. While the big gnarly smash-addict might not quite manage the ‘secret’ part of secret agent he would certainly do a fine job of battering his way through the lackeys Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) throws at him. That his love interest is played by Eva Green would work for him too...
Anger Management (2003)
When Dave Buznik (Adam Sandler) is wrongly sentenced to attend anger management with Dr. Buddy Rydell (Jack Nicholson), the therapist takes pleasure in messing with his head. But he would have been taught a /really/ valuable life lesson if he saw the ugly side of someone with real anger issues: big, green, and smashy.
Catch the Hulk as he smashes into Vue in Avengers: Age of Ultron on the 23rd April!